Release & Let Go

img_0191

“Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.” – Anonymous

2016 ~ This is undeniably the hardest year I’ve ever had to withstand in my entire life. But I can honestly say that I’m still learning to be vulnerable thanks to my close friends (which are selectively few) because no one should ever have to endure this thing called life alone. Growing up, it was so easy for me to just put a pen to paper and not tell a single soul what I had written or was experiencing on the inside. Maybe it’s the introvert in me. Now that I’m older, it’s becoming more of a battle each day to hold on to the weight of these light dimming thoughts. I’ve been training myself mentally, emotionally and spiritually the calming art of release & let go. So here it goes…

The dark.

To be frank, a lot of shit has happened and the year still isn’t over. I’ve had a lot of life events develop (as well as some that didn’t). Turning 30 was a blessing, but what a way to kick off my damn 30’s. I started the year off with a list of strict goals. I also made 5 affirmations that I hoped the universe would humbly receive and let manifest:

1. Get a promotion. – My workload at my job picked up viciously as if without a hint of transition or warning. Desk responsibilities continued to increase to the point where job role descriptions were in clear need of makeovers. It was ugly. Work had always been organized chaos, but it somehow seemed to get worse and worse each and every cringing weekday. All I kept thinking was I didn’t sign up for this shit. But Corporate America always has a way of fucking you over no matter what position you’re in. Don’t get me wrong. There’s perks in it too. Luckily as a bonus, I had two awesome co-workers to help keep me sane. But in the end instead of getting promoted, I got demoted.

2. Start a family. – This year my husband and I hoped to get pregnant with our first child. We’ve gone through a lot during this stage of our lives as newlyweds. Regrettably, we ended up miscarrying during the first trimester (rest in heaven to our unborn angel). Never have I felt such overwhelming grief and devastation. Us getting pregnant was my one hope and motivation to push forward through all the bullshit stress at my job. But I didn’t get what I had hoped for. Instead, I got turned down and had to continuously force back tears as my unknowing friends and family members pressured us with constant questions of when we were going to have a baby. Anyways, shortly after miscarrying (as in a couple of weeks), my career had been put on the line. Even with doing my best to manage the unmanageable, I ended up losing both my baby and my job almost simultaneously.

3. Purchase a home. – This goal has been on my wish list for the longest time it seems. Over the past 5 years, I’ve had 3 different addresses including one in another state. I’ve always leased everywhere I lived and paying rent is no fun when it amounts to a mortgage. In the past, there would always be road blocks to getting approved for a mortgage loan. But this year, I was so certain it would finally happen. Nope. Just when everything was looking promising, my mortgage broker tells me I need to show more payment activity on my student loans. But the way my bank account is set up… I damn near owe a house I don’t even own yet. A nice house at that.

4. Focus on YouTube. – I remember posting my very first video back in 2012. I was hella shy and I still cringe to this day when re-watching some of my older content. Surprisingly after posting just a couple of videos, YouTube reached out and offered me an opportunity to become a partner. Although I accepted, I never really took full advantage of it. Since becoming a YouTube partner, I’ve never been able to establish or keep a consistent upload schedule because of my demanding career path. I would always come home stressed out from work and was never able to give 100% to my subscribers. For that reason, I’ve gained a lot and unfortunately lost a lot too.

5. EJ new job. – Not only did I want a promotion for myself, but I wanted the same or better for my husband. His job is equally stressful with unkept promises from unqualified idiots trying to run a family-owned business. I’m not gonna lie. A part of me wanting this to happen was so I could become a “housewife” and focus on my passion and live life happily ever after. That’s the dream, right? But more importantly, I wanted better for my husband whether it was a promotion at his current job or with a new company altogether. He should be the one calling the shots. Unfortunately, his so-called management has been giving him the run around for over a year now.

Among other horrific events this year, my friends spotted a curly gray strand in my hair and have repeatedly proven that it is indeed attached to my head. I cut it out with scissors and it grew back. To my disbelief, I even found another gray strand growing on the other side of my head just the other day. (Lord, I must really be stressed!) On top of that, I have bottled-up issues with my mother that need resolving, I’m always missing my family and how things used to be, struggles of dealing with insurance, a new hospital bill, retirement funds, plan b, blah blah blah, etc. The list goes on and on.

The light.

So, yeah… A lot of fuckery has happened this year. But let’s twist the perspectives into something more positive (because Lord knows I need a win):

1. Get a promotion. – Honestly, the only reason I wanted a promotion in the first place was to get out of the department I was in. But I got something better instead. Rather than being forced to work a shitty 9 to 5, I was taken out of an unhealthy situation. I wasn’t happy and it showed. And although I don’t know what’s next for me in my career or what lies ahead, I refuse to let it stress and take over me. I find comfort in knowing that God already has a plan in store for me. Plus, I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I truly believe my purpose in life is somewhere along the lines of helping others and spreading love & light all around the world.

2. Start a family. – I didn’t touch on it much because I’m still coping with it, but I’m happy knowing that my husband and I got a chance to experience parenting at least for the little bit that we did when we were pregnant. This is obviously a very sensitive and heavy subject. But when I think about it more, the universe actually did respond. I was a mother. And I still am a mother. Seeing my husband so happy and full of joy during those 2 months of pregnancy was such a treat. And if you must know, EJ and I are still trying to conceive. So needless to say, the bedroom has been pretty hot lately!

3. Purchase a home. – Although this hasn’t happened yet, I was still able to accomplish my biggest financial goal of 2016 which was to improve my credit score to at least 700. I’m happy to report that I’ve remarkably exceeded my own goal. Literally, I have excellent credit for the first time ever. Plus, I’ve even lowered my debt an incredible amount. But thanks to student loans, I’ll have a new financial goal for 2017. That’s going to be a monster! Even though I’m still currently leasing, I’m blessed to have a roof over my head. Better luck next year.

4. Focus on YouTube. – Things are already starting to look up since being let go from my job. From that very day, I’ve been persistent in pursuing what I really want to do. Even with it being late in the year, I’ve already accomplished so much rebuilding my brand within this short span of time. I’ve worked with several brands already as an influencer and I have even more fun stuff in the works. I was also able to reconstruct my blog website (which you’re currently reading from by the way). I may not have the biggest following or the largest amount of subscribers, but I’m so very appreciative for the few I do have. You all inspire me to keep going and you keep my passion alive and growing. I do what I love because of you and for that, I’m forever grateful. I’m excited for the future and what’s to come. Hopefully, one day (sooner than later) I’ll be able to turn my passion into profit full-time.

5. EJ new job. – Even though false promises never materialized at his job, I know his big moment is coming in due time. I see tremendous growth and potential in my husband, and his work ethic is phenomenal. With his experience and knowledge, I truly believe he can start his own company doing what he does. Plus, there’s still hope I can be a “housewife.” Happy wife, happy life! We double as music lovers but music is his true passion, and lately he’s been cooking up some things in his at-home studio. All he needs is that extra push and a break-through for his vision to fully transpire.

More good news… My husband and I celebrated our 1st year of marriage, Chyna (our dog) unexpectedly came into our lives and, hell I’ve even accepted my gray strands of hair as a badge of honor and wisdom. Vulnerability doesn’t have to have a negative connotation. Take the fear out of being vulnerable. Yes, it exposes you but it also frees you. It heals you. It strengthens you. It restores you and gives you peace of mind. Holding onto things will eventually break you and force you to deal with it. Being vulnerable isn’t easy, especially for us introverts. But we all have to learn to release & let go at some point.

Wishing you all peace, wellness and understanding. What’s something you’ve been holding onto that you need to let go?

Sending love & light,

Dominique

img_9813

Advertisements

22 thoughts on “Release & Let Go

  1. Lit AF says:

    Dominique! I’m so proud of you! I admire your openness and honesty. As a fan, it is so relieving to see someone going through as many bumps and curves at me at the age of 30! I can tell a great difference with you and how you are getting so comfortable in your own skin. You are becoming the captain of your fate. I strive to have that courage one day. Anytime you want a wine and woosah night in I’m here!

    Liked by 1 person

    • NiqueNique321 says:

      LIT!!! *eyewinks* Thank you soooo much for your sweet words. Reading your comment made me tear up a bit. It truly meant a lot coming from you. 30 has been rough so far, but I’m starting to see a huge difference within myself as well. I’m finally learning to grow into my skin getting more comfortable in it every day. I know you have it in you as well! You are not alone. Love you! 😘 And yes, wine & woosah nights are always welcomed! 💚✨

      Like

  2. Nadira and chloes mommy says:

    Not only did I like the content but the way it was written down is very pleasant to read.
    Welcome to the 30’s. Life has its ups and downs and not everyday may be good but there is good in everyday! I am so sorry for all the things that did not work out how you wanted but you have your destiny in front of you and you determine how it can look like. I really do not believe it is already written. God gave us the freedom to decide how we want to write it, what we want to do with it. Know the story about God giving 2 men each 1 talent and sending them into the world? After a while He asked what they did with it. The one man had burried the talent and gave it back to God just how He received it. The other man explained to God that He worked with the talent and it multiplied and showed God how he is now living a wonderful life…because he made use of the talent he got.
    Now…bad days are gonna come, as will the good ones….that is life. But use your talent. Do not burry it. People like me really exist…that is the people who are waiting on your youtube videos.
    Being succesfull does not mean having a desk job, a 9 to 5 job. It is about making use of your opportunities. Another example is about the person who was stuck in a tree and he prayed for God to help. Now…all these people came along offering him help, but he turned them all down…telling him that He is waiting on God, whereas it was God sending all these people to help him. So…to you and your husband: make use of the opportunities…you don’t neccesarily need a record deal to make music nowadays. Some youtube artists are bigger and better than some record deal artists!
    Next year around this time I would love to read how your life has changed. On my computer at my office I have a note that says: “worrying means assuming that God does not know what He is doing”. Don’t worry! You will be okay! Being uncomfortable is just Gods way of telling you to get out of a certain situation, to do what you were supposed to do here. Trust Him. I do and I did when I went to study from a tiny nation called Suriname to study law in The Netherlands and today…I still remember the days I prayed for the things I have now!

    Liked by 1 person

    • NiqueNique321 says:

      Oh wow! Thank you so much for your words. I read your response a few times letting it marinate and I really appreciate your genuine encouragement. I’m pretty sure I’ll have more roller coasters to experience during the rest of my 30’s but I’m ready for the ride! Thank you for sharing those stories with me. I really needed that and it has resonated with me that I can help control my destiny. I plan to keep using my “talent” for as long as I can. Forever thankful! Be blessed! 💚✨

      Like

  3. Nicole says:

    This was a very REAL and DEEP blog post. I know it can be very difficult to share some of your most intimates moments with strangers (and even friends too at times). Yet, it can also be very therapeutic at times. No matter what happened in 2016, remember that 2017 will be your year of redemption and reward for you. Despite everything the devil tried to do to you, he couldn’t succeed because no weapon formed against you shall prosper. You are due for a Job-like blessing where you will get everything the devil took from you with an increase. Get excited for everything that is coming–the darkest hour comes right before the light.

    Liked by 1 person

    • NiqueNique321 says:

      Oh my God! The tears! Thank you so much for this! I’m still learning things in the dark trying to find my way. But I’m confident God is guiding me through it. Even though my road has been dark, I’ve learned to see the light and I will forever keep searching for it. I know God is preparing me for something greater. Thank you again and may He continue to bless you!

      Like

  4. Dominique Patterson says:

    Awesome read! I admire your transparency. As someone who is about to turn 30 next month I definitely know the feeling of wanting everything to fall in place. I don’t know you personally, but I do know you are a fellow Whitehaven tiger (05). I have no doubt that you will get everything that God has for you!!! Keep pushing ahead and leave your fears behind! Keep influencing. I enjoy your YouTube/snaps!!! God bless!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Margaret Garner says:

    Dominque, I am so sorry for the disappointments that have occurred this year. I appreciate your honesty and candor in writing this. I know it had to have been difficult however therapeutic at the same time. Sometimes rejection is God’s protection. I truly believe God has something marvelous planned for your life. Rest assure when doors close, he always allows other others to open. Have faith and continue to be positive. I am praying for you and your husband that you will receive blessings beyond anything you can imagine, and that He will grant favor in your lives.

    Liked by 1 person

    • NiqueNique321 says:

      Thank you so much for this! After writing this post, I feel liberated. I try my best to remind myself daily that there is a blessing in everything, even the bad stuff. So I try to see the good in everything. Thanks again for your words! Be blessed! 💚✨

      Like

  6. Tabitha Wiggins says:

    How am I so late seeing this?!? Anywho, I truly appreciate your honesty and your transparency! So many of these same issues I have dealt with and am still dealing with. It helps to know you’re not alone, and even more so to be reminded of the light in every situation! We must keep pushing forward! Congrats on all of your strides forward! 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    • NiqueNique321 says:

      Thank you so much! We are not alone. Like you said, we must continue leaning towards the light. I hope that the light sees you through all the things you’re experiencing. Stay blessed! 💚✨

      Like

  7. Laquita says:

    Hey Dominique this was so powerful I could feel your genuineness as I read your words it was as though I could feel everything you were saying I’m proud of you and all your accomplishments that you have made and I know you will have plenty more to come I too have been in the light and the dark stay strong as you travel on this journey called life I know there’s nothing but greatness headed your way. I will keep your husband and you in my prayers blessings will pour down upon you in bounties. You’ve given me the strength to release and let go of a lot of things I’ve been holding onto thank you for inspiring me 😃

    Liked by 1 person

    • NiqueNique321 says:

      Thank you so much! Everything literally flowed from the heart. I’m so happy to know I’ve helped someone to release & let go of all the things that are hindering them from seeing the light. Thank you for your encouragement and your prayers! May the light be with you forever! 😘💚✨

      Like

  8. Dee Lechelle says:

    Wow, I hate that I am so late to this post but it was an awesome read and a deeper insight into your life that I didn’t previously have. Thank you for being so strong and open about your experiences all while keeping your light shinning bright. Only up from here… I’m really proud of and inspired by you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • NiqueNique321 says:

      Awww thank you so, so much! That really warmed my heart! ❤️ I had to really dig deep within myself to pull it all out, but I’m glad I found my strength. I’m so happy to be an inspiration to you and others. This light will never dim, even in the dark. 💚✨

      Like

  9. Ahkeeia says:

    Even in the darkness you still shine so bright. I’m glad that you looked at your situation through positive lenses. Not everything happens that you want to happen, but things always happen that need to happen. I hope that you always keep your head up and find comfort in the fact that your life is an inspiration to others. When I get stressed and down on myself, I reflect and think about how you’ve handled some of the same situations and it gives me the strength I need to pull myself together. . . I think I’ll call you Curly Sunshine from now on.

    Liked by 1 person

    • NiqueNique321 says:

      Thanks sis! I’ve learned overtime that no matter the situation or circumstance (or how ugly it is), the good always outweighs the bad. We just may have to shine a little light on it so it stands out. I’m glad I could help you and others to react more positively about things. It’s all in our perspectives and how we choose to see things. By the way, Curly Sunshine has a nice ring to it! 😉💚✨

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s