Throughout this entire pregnancy, I’ve been blessed with no complications. This is my first full-term pregnancy. And as a woman who has experienced the dark side of miscarriage, that doesn’t mean I rest easy. There’s always fear in the back of my mind.
I got my first real scare at one of my routine checkups last month. The fact that it was the same month of my miscarriage last year immediately sent me into panic mode. I saw the color no expectant mother wants to see… red. My OB must have known I was panicking because she constantly assured me everything was okay + that it was just a common busted blood vessel. More importantly, the baby was safely unaffected in my womb.
The next day, I remember feeling a small grain of temporary relief as the blood started to clear up. But at 5am the next morning, red made its appearance again. I hugged my belly on the toilet trying not to cry because I still felt the baby kicking. But when my husband consoled me, I could no longer hold it together. Tears flowed. I had to release + let go of what was worrying me.
So I had been doing things to totally distract myself from fear like stalking new curlfriends on the gram, listening to music, absorbing myself with Pinterest quotes + watching YouTube videos. Eventually, my body corrected itself.
It’s been a scary ride, but I’m still praying everything continues to go well as I progress through these last few weeks. To be honest, I don’t know if I’ll ever get over the scare. We’re in the homestretch. Note to self: breathe.